Giving Thanks

I suppose there's a lot of things to be thankful for this year. Even without having a real Thanksgiving dinner, the meaning still applies no?

I'm thankful for having a wonderful home I can go to, and having a good family. I thankful for my supportive friends. I'm thankful for the safety of all the people I love. And I'm thankful for all the things I have been blessed with in life good or bad.

Please let there be many more good times and help us all overcome the bad.

In Jesus's name

Amen.


AND A HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!

Personality Test II

It's been a while since I have taken this test and I wanted to see if I had changed any at all. My old one is on my xanga somewhere back there ^^.

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results Sociability ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 92% Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 89% Assertiveness |||||| 15% Activity Level ||||||||||||||||||||| 69% Excitement-Seeking ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Enthusiasm |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Extroversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Trust ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 97% Morality ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 92% Altruism ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 94% Cooperation |||||||||||||||||||||||| 73% Modesty ||||||||||||||||||||| 69% Sympathy |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 89% Friendliness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 85% Confidence |||||||||||| 39% Neatness |||||||||||||||||| 52% Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Achievement |||||||||||||||||| 60% Self-Discipline |||||||||||||||||| 58% Cautiousness ||||||||||||||| 43% Orderliness |||||||||||||||||| 55% Anxiety ||||||||||||||| 50% Volatility ||||||||||||||| 49% Depression ||||||||||||||| 41% Self-Consciousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 69% Impulsiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 67% Vulnerability |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||| 41% Imagination |||||||||||||||||||||||| 79% Artistic Interests |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 81% Introspection |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 81% Adventurousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 61% Intellect ||||||||||||||| 46% Liberalism ||||||||| 23% Openmindedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 61%

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A Little Bit of Frustration

Has Ra eternally doomed me with bad luck? Hah, jk. But it seems like it sometimes. So he said he couldn't go to lunch after school on Wednesday. I'm seriously thinking he is not interseted now...not only because he hasn't been able to go to either one of the things I've asked him to. He hasn't asked me back, nor has he ever given me a definite answer of his own opinion like a: "Yes I would like to go" or "No I don't want to go."

*sighs* I hope I'm just not taking it too hardly, but that's the message that I'm getting. Meh. I'm stupid.

And on top of that I've got some other things to be juggling with that. AHHH! I'm going to go crazy ^^.

"Touching the Void"

You know, with all of the PBS shows about people dying/freezing/almost getting killed in the snow, I'm never going to go out into the snow again. I'm going to fall down an icey crevice and die, or even worse, be alive and be faced with the fact that I'll never be found again and have to decided whether or not to just sit there and die, or take action (which would be near impossible).

It would be even worse if you were doing it with a friend. And you were the one that fell down the crevice. Then your friend, thinking that you were dead, cut the rope that was your only lifeline back up. After that you'd have to deal with the feeling of abandoment. That they had left you to die. That would no doubt be a horrible feeling.

As you lie there, with no where to go. Not up, nor down. You just lay there for days, yelling out your friend's name. Hallucinating as you are dying of thirst, the cold, and hunger. Feeling the cold rip of icey wind across your face and the slow numbness of your fingers and toes as they begin to freeze.

That would just be the most horrifying, scarring, horrible experience ever. And to live with that experience...

I really hope that it never happens to me, or anyone that I know. It would be a terrible thing to wish on anyone. And those people that are lucky enough to survive the fall and live to tell the tale are just plain miracles.

Stupid Things

Lots of stupid things happen in puberty...lots. Hormones start acting up wayyy too much...*growl*Go away stupid things go away *growl*. Meh.

Not much has been happening lately. There was the JV and Varsity girl's bball game last night. It's a times like these that I really like my friends *feels happy*

Hmm good, the flutteryness is dying down. For some reason I don't think he's interested *sighs*. We'll just have to see.

Fluttery

Is this what it feels like? Is it? When you find someone? Your...fluttery at times? Just this feeling as if something was making your throat get a little tight and your chest feel funny?

I just feel extremely weird...but in a good way.

*looks at post* geez I'm such a sap, I suppose this is the only thing interesting that's going on in my life so far that a little personal.

Surprises

He. Said. Yes.

But do you think a "Okay Linda, I'll see if I can come." is a yes answer? Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. Oh, I hope it is a yes. Ra forbid if he is just leading me on. It would really hurt...it really would. Even if it is just to a dance. I'm making too much out of it am I?

Oh my...

Movies --> Thoughts

Now that I'm done waiting to re-post this (blogger somehow ate my last post and it didn't go through, I suppose that's why I'll use IE for Blogger). Here it is again...albeit a little revised maybe.

So I came from the movies with Angie and Geff (and Lorraine). We all watched The Incredibles. It's a very good movie, that that's not what I'm going to talk about. More rather, I'm going to talk a little about something that I've been noticing going on with the Freshman class of 2008:

People seem to be hooking up left and right...or at least planning to. But there are plenty of couples that have developed over the past weeks. Some of my friends also have been telling me that here has even seemed to be pressure to get a boyfriend/girlfriend this year. Now that I've been told...yes I do feel a little bit of that pressure, not on me, but just...around. It's an awkward feeling. Well, I'm going to feel a little bit of a copy-cat because I'm going to be doing the same thing this week, but he's going to say no, and things will go back to normal with me being by myself, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm used to it by now.

I don't know what the concept of 'dating' is in the class of 2008. But to me it's somewhat of a serious thing. I guess it was just how I was raised. It seems to be such a casual thing for them. Like a piece of clothing to be tried on and discared quickly and without a second thought if not liked.

I'm not sure how many people out there share the same views as me, but that's how I see it.

Well I'm being chased off the computer. Good night to you all.

Links pt 2 and DONE!

Oh yeah! I did it! w/o any help either...except from Boyce telling me where I'm supposed to put the thing. Thank you boyce!

Hmm...now I'm looking for a different skin. Don't pay attention to these posts, they're not really relivant to my life. lol

Links Field pt 1

So far I am unsuccessful at adding a link field into the template. So far I only have that little 'Links' picture. that's good...now is anyone willing to help me with this here? It's kinda complicated grrr.

Small Things

It's funny how the littlest thing can make you happy sometimes. A smile, a hug, a word, a look. Those everyday things that can make you cheerful for hours on end if nothing else was there to stop it. It's a wonderful thing to give and to get.

So here is a little thank you for all of you that have done those things for me. You all know who you are. The hugs (and occasional kisses ^^), the funny conversations, the laughter, the friendship, the tears, comfort, and love. It doesn't have to be all of these things. Even one of these are just good enough. Whether I've known you years or just a few weeks, you've made a difference to me.

Thank you.

Fixed

"She has an arrow in you yet, John Procter!"

That's exactly what I feel like...except, the genders are reversed and my name is Linda. hah. Why is this feeling for him not gone yet?! It's a hindrance in my life, pulling me backwards. I thought I had moved on. It was a silly infatuation...almost to the point of obsession! I want to be rid of it, it's an embarrassment and I feel ashamed for not being able to suppress it more. Obsession certainly did not make me feel good.

It was ridiculous. I was and am so stupid, so young...so idiotic. Yes, this was just a few months ago...it lasted a year. But I want off...it's not as if I hate him...I just want this to stop. I don't want to hate him, even if it's the only way to stop it.

That's the only way that I stopped it once before, and it came back at me later and made me feel so guilty and self-loathing for hating someone so kind and nice just for my own reasons while he had done absolutely nothing before.

Yes, I suppose hormones are getting after me. They're nothing but silly crushes. And I'm sounding very bitchy...but I'm not bitching. I'm just trying to let it all out. Trying to let some of this energy and emotion go somewhere.

Please let this stop soon...or at least let me find something/someone else to keep me away from this.

Down! Down! Down!

I don't know which to hate more. My ancient laptop for not being able to go on Xanga properly, or Xanga for not allowing my ancient laptop from doing almost anything on it. grrr.

Fourth Age -or should I say Entulesse RPG is rather disappointing now. Definietly not as exciting as it was when it was in the summer, also when we still had Moz, Chealsea, Jess, and all the others on it. *tear*

Ohh, Schaap's inviting me and some others to go to see 'National Treasure'. Sounds interesting so far. I'll make a movie review of it once I see it.

Hmm...I feel so weird. Compared to everyone else's blog posts, mines always sound so childish. lol. Is that a good thing? Well hopefully I shall mature sooner or later.

Oh and Eric, when you talk about Dynasty Warriors (I think that's what you were referring to in your comment) can you use their full names? ^^" I don't know Dynasty Warriors as well yet. lol. And michelle I LOVE YOU TOOO!

And Xanga is down...yet again

So...Xanga is down again. So what do I do? *grins* I POST IN BLOGGER! I wonder why Xanga is always down so much? System problems? Hmm...what would it like to get my own domain name? Ohhhhh ^-^.

Stud prod auditions today! I didn't try out...so I hope I wasn't supposed to be there or anything.

Meh...joseph ate my food again. w/e I suppose I should get used to it, he's not going to stop.

I really don't have much to say today. Not a very exciting day. Except that Halo 2 came out and I saw a bunch of seniors playing it today. As Eric said, one of the weapons "looks like a sea cucumber with pink spikes on it." It did! Interesting game Halo II. I still like Dynasty Warriors better, simpler for my simple mind.

Of Strange Dreams

A dream I had that was stranger than most...very much stranger. Here is it's story:

In the start whiteness of a hospital room, a gaunt looking man enters. He works the late-night shift as a nurse looking over bed-ridden patients. Some of his co-workers and patients would think he was a little wrong in the head sometimes but he was a hard worker. Of course he had a little bad luck that most of the patients in his care usually ended up dying. Strange...most of them usually died of insulin overdoses.

That same night, there was a young boy, around 6 or 7 in hospital care. A little asian boy, that was on his way up the road of recovery from some major operation or illness. As he rests peacefully after attending a small party celebrated in his honor of his recovery and safety, dreaming of bright balloons, smiling faces, and cake.

The nurse meanwhile walks silently down the children's ward. In his hand moonlight glints off the cold metal of a syringe. In the darkness, the man's eyes seem to glow eerily and his skin turn a different color.

(and then, me getting too freaked out wakes myself up and tries to focus on something else before going to sleep. here's part 2 that I remember:)

A lot of people from school and their have gathered around a large stage area and are watching intently. I sit with some friends and my parents. I don't know what's really going on onstage, but I look around and freak out as I see someone doing something kinda...not for public eyes. This is either from reading too much Brave New World or from hormones...I think it's from the former.

But that's all I remember before waking up.

In My Defense

But Michelle....what if I don't want to tell? It's awkward enough already. So it shouldn't be awkward you say. They deserve a right to know. I know that as well. I know they wouldn't be mad. But...

I don't know. I don't think I'm ready yet. Just a few people at a time. Angie knows, you know. That's about all I'm ready for. If I tell them they'll bring it up all the time. They'll forever be thinking 'what if' that happens again (which I assure you...IT WON'T). I'll be stuffed back under their wings and they'll be more protective than ever. I do not look forward to that prospect, they're already protective enough (at least I think) as of now.

The past is in the past, it's settled down where it is. Why drag it up along with all of the dust and junk again? It will only have to resettle again, but this time with a lot more difficulty because it will be constantly moved about. You have to know what I mean right?

I don't want them to know yet. I for one don't feel ready to tell them yet. Please understand where I'm coming from. We can argue over this more at school. ^^

I still love you Michelle, thanks for your concern.

And so we disband...

The final performance of 'The Crucible' has ended...and with that the cast/crew disband. Not entirely though, I think a lot of things have happened since this play has started. New friendships formed and strengthened. It made me feel so good, I think near the end it was almost like a little family. I learned so many new things about people and love/like them so much. I really love that experience and hope that it'll never end.

A show critic came and talked to us after the performance. She was really nice, but seemed to be a little...air-headed per say? But what she said was encouraging I thought. I wonder if we'll make it to Theatre Fest?

Strike went through very quickly and soon we were on our way to the cast party at Lor/Sarah S's house. I rode there with Gooler in his car, he's a fair good driver. ^^ Roasting marshmellows and talking. Such a social event and so nice. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. They're all so nice. But at the end (or at least before I left), some people showed up that I didn't know, I don't mean to sound offending or anything to the person who's friends with these people, but I was scared. They just seemed so big and...college studenty, scary. I suppose that's just because it's just me. So I kinda huddled near Gooler and Lor for a bit until my dad showed up to take me home.

But at this party I noticed something about myself that I haven't really speculated on before. I'm so people-dependant. I mean, if I didn't have any friends I think that I would like...die. I'm such a people-pleaser too, but...that just comes naturally. I don't know why, and I don't really mind that too much. That's why I'm usually so mopey during the weekends...I have no friends around constantly. At school I'm surrounded by people that I care so much about. At home I am too...but that's kinda different. I'll have to do some more introspection later...it's getting late.

But...I love everyone that has helped me get through life so far. That means all of you that I know and even don't know that well at school.

Second Night

Oh wow! The play was GREAT! Opening night is over and so is the second night. And the turnout has been overwhelming! Everyone is doing so well! Even if we did mess up it was covered up so well and no one would ever know unless they've been there since rehearsals and know all the lines ^^

I love everyone on the cast, they're all so great, all so nice, all so supportive and helpful and soooo fun! That's what makes me very glad that I decided to participate in this event. You just grow so attached to these people...at least I know I am. Example: Before the play, the whole cast went to Courier's Cafe for diner. I left in a car with Martin G, Tiffany C, and Laura and Sarah S. I forgot to tell Scoobs that I was going to go with those people and left. When everyone got there he told me that he was really worried, I thought he was mad at me for a while and felt totally horrible. It wasn't his fault, it was mine. I really should have told him.

Curtain calls are always fun too. You get to hug so many people that you usually can't and so many in one little time period. It really made my day.

The Post Opening Night,..

Ohhh wow! Opening night was great. I would be posting this in my Xanga...but my laptop is being a butt and I can't post anything in it. Meh.

Everyone did ::wonderful:: they all memorized their lines and did so well even when some of us did mess up. Gooler is really good at mooing like a cow. I don't know why, but Ms. Ridenhour got pissed off for some reason. I thought we did wonderful even if some pages were skipped, but the people made up the missed things very well. I'm so glad I was able to be in this production, as tiring as it can be at times.

I missed the chess meet. But Brian-sama said we won both. yay! Go UNI!

Well I better get some sleep.

g'night

Opening Day...

Oh wow, today's the opening day of 'The Crucible' at school. I can't believe that time flew by so quickly. Even though I don't have much of a part I'm still nervous...and sleepy. Thank Ra today is pajama day for the dress-up week, I think I shall attempt to sleep in classes *cough*English*cough*. lol.

I suppose I am growing into my feminine side *snickersnort*, I like my costume. It's a white petticoat and a beige blouse, over the petticoat there's a black skirt, over the blouse a green lace-up vest/corset thing, and then an apron and bonnet...the bonnet's kinda weird though. I've finally learned how to put on make-up. Except for the eyeliner which I thank everyone for helping me with (Shruti, Emily, Laura).

Mmmm...I should get off, my dad will kill me (exaggerated) if he finds me on at this time in the morning.

Sleeppppyyy

Hmm I'm getting tired....I do like blogger, it's quite nice. But I don't want to give up xanga...meh I can't keep my eyes open, good night.

Make-up Time!

So...now I know how to put on my own makeup. It's quite interesting, I just can't handle the eye-liner by myself. I think I look like Jack Sparrow with all this eyeliner on. The play is coming along VERY nicely. I really like it. Oh wow, here's the rant part of the blog.

The boys all look sooo hot/pretty/cute in their makeup. Especially Tom, Daniel, and Geiger. *sigh* awwww kawaii! But I think I scare all of them lol. Ohh we're in the court-room scene right now. I think I smeared my eye-liner. I better get off now. I need to re-apply my makeup now. Cya!

Bush or Kerry?

Well...the election has ended. So far I heard that Bush was leading in the polls, but it's a VERY close race.

Personally I don't really care...I'm not old enough understand all of this stuff. Maybe when I'm older I'll get this all. But to me so far, both of them kinda suck. But a lot of people hate Bush too. I don't hate him...

The future will be determined by this election. May the best man be elected!

1st post...and hopefully NOT the last

So....I find myself being drawn towards blogger...I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle 2 blogs, I'm that simple minded. Well at least with this blog I won't have to post anonymous (can't spell), and people not ON blogger can post a comment ^^ unlike xanga. But I've been with xanga longer, so if I can't handle two blogs I'll just go stick w/ xanga.

Well...there you go! My first post ^^

Perhaps this blog will be more for a little ranting/personal stuff since not many people know about it.